Are You Emotionally Intelligent?

 At a MeetUp that I attended last night in the town that I have lived in for 18 years, a young woman in the group said not once, not twice,  but FOUR times in her 5 minute intro/elevator pitch to our group how much she wanted to leave our town as soon as possible.


For quite a few of us in attendance we have lived in our town for 20+ years.  How little emotional intelligence this young woman demonstrated by insulting the town we all lived and/or worked in is problematic of many people. Which got me to thinking: “Do people really realize/care what impact their behavior has on the people around them?”
What have to ask ourselves just what is “Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
EQ is the ability to recognize and regulate emotions in ourselves and others through four (4) elements:
1. Self Awareness: do we have a proper grasp on how we are feeling?
2. Self-Management: Do we know how to control our feelings and behaviors esp. in times when we are placed in extreme pressure/duress?
3. Social Awareness: are we aware of the people around us and how they are feeling? Do we genuinely care about the people around us?
4. Relationship Management: do we understand how to form, grow, nurture and maintain productive, constructive working relationships?


Emotional intelligence (EQ) entails obtaining information to gain self-awareness ands revolves around a person’s ability to:
–Perceive emotions in themselves and others,  understand the meaning of these emotions, and be able to regulate/control one’s emotions.  Emotional intelligence is critically important because there is an extremely strong correlation between a high level of EQ and career success.
An excellent resource for a primer on EQ is the “Six Seconds EQ Model” which entails a 3-step process to acquiring emotional intelligence:
1. Know Yourself gives you the “what” – when you Know Yourself, you know your strengths and challenges, you know what you are doing, what you want, and what to change.
2. Choose Yourself provides the “how” – it shows you how to take action, how to influence yourself and others, how to “operationalize” these concepts.
3. Give Yourself delivers the “why” – when you Give Yourself you are clear and full of energy so you stay focused why to respond a certain way, why to move in a new direction, and why others should come on board.
EQ matters because it affects every aspect of your personal and professional lives including:

  • Your performance at work.
  • Your physical health.
  • Your mental health.
  • Your relationships.

Here’s how you can achieve emotional regulation/control over your life, feelings, and relationships:

  • Identify and modify the emotions you feel.
  • Surface Acting: putting on a face to play a role even /especially when you do not actually feel that way.
  • Venting: open displays of emotion may serve a purpose but should be used with extreme caution.
  • Research shows that people in good moods make better decisions, are more creative, and help in motivation.
  • Emotional states affect employee levels of customer service.
  • Increasing use of “happiness” coaches in organizations.

What do you think?
Here’s to your continued professional and career success as we head into the holiday season.
– Ethan